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Service?
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
of the word “Service.”
"The act of doing things for other people." Then I heard the terms
Internal Revenue
Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Service Stations...and I
became confused about the word “service.”This is not what I thought
“service” meant. Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking and
one of them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of
his cows.
SHAZAM!!
It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those
“service” agencies have been doing, all of these years.
So You Think You’re Tough!
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with
Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert
your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.AMERICANS:
This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are
accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous
support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees
north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or
counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this
ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse.....your call.
Sent in by Patik Holmlund, Sweden
The Balloonist.
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and
shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would
meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. “I am," replied the
woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is,
technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not
been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where
you're going.You have risen to where you are dueto a large quantity
of hot air. You made a promise, whichyou've no idea how to keep,
and you expect peoplebeneath you to solve your problems. The fact
is you are inexactly the same position you were in before we met,
but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Is it Really Better Today?
Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as
we have. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or
air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was
always a special treat. Our baby cribs were painted with bright
colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting
the paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or
cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets. We drank
water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We would spend
hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the
hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem. We would leave
home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when
the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. We
played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We ate
cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never
overweight; we were always outside playing. Little League had
tryouts, and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to
learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart
as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held
back to repeat the same grade. That generation produced some of the
greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom,
failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal
with it all.
~author unknown
Out With A Bang!
A tough old cowboy once counselled his grandson that if he
wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little
gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this
religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great
grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the
crematorium.
Understanding Women
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand
how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto various tender parts
of your body, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
a spider.
A Rose Is A Rose
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to the realization that it bears a very close
resemblance to the first. |
